Once They Crack Their Heads Open, I'll Call You Back

I actually said those words to my friend the other day when we were talking on the phone.

My kids were enjoying free play, an open-ended concept some parents totally get. But it's also a concept a lot of parents struggle with.

Free play is when you give your child a chance to enjoy time all on their own. No classes, no teachers, no book-learning, just good old-fashioned play. But here's where some parents shy away: it can be messy. Or, your child may get hurt.

God forbid.

Children need time to run, dance, create adventures, and yes, even crack their heads open. It's what makes them children. The innate learners and explorers of our world.

Ahh... summertime. I just had to use this shot as it brings me comfort during these relentless winter months. And it shows my daughter enjoying free play on one of our hikes.

What is she doing that will improve her math scores once she starts school? Is she reading flash card letters and numbers as she picks dandelions and tucks them behind her ear? What about her ability to draw circles and squares? To some parents, free play like this simply doesn't make sense in their child's "development." To me, it's the best gift you could ever hope to give your greatest blessings, your children.

My children enjoy free play, and because of that, have no trouble figuring out what to do with themselves when I'm in another room. (Except if I pick up the phone. That's the one thing that calls out to them like a siren offering chocolate cake.) So I knew that when I told my friend I'd have to call her back they were about to start up a game of "Let's hold hands and wrap scarves around ourselves and spin as fast as we can."

And this is where parents get scared away. If the free play gets too rough, or involves play-doh or paint, or moving the sofa cushions to make a fort. All I have to say is:

Get over it!

But don't use free play as a placeholder. I get that it's hard in the winter when we're stuffing our kids in their snowsuits into 5-point safety harness car seats and wiping runny noses. We don't have much energy left to clean up the after-effects of free play.

But then, why else did we have children? They'll be grown soon and their little toys won't be around anymore. Don't miss this chance to let... them... play.

And if you're in that group of parents who simply don't understand how to free play (see, now it's a verb), your children can teach you.

The easiest way is to start with a game. Then sit back, and let your children take the lead.

You can be ready off to the side with an icepack.

© play101blog.blogspot.com, 2011-2012

The Definition of Insanity

My husband had a t-shirt once that read, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and hoping for a different result." I think of this bright orange shirt often. Usually when I'm disciplining my children.

Because I tell them over and over not to do something, but then they do it. And yes, this does make me feel insane. Like trying to put a square puzzle piece into the circle opening.

Try all you want, it just doesn't fit. I came across this blog post the other day that made me laugh. It's true. When we tell something to our children, they don't seem to hear it. So we either repeat ourselves (insane) or talk louder.

But underneath it all, repetition is the key to learning. The way to remember new things is to grow a pathway between the neurons associated with that thing in your brain. You need to reinforce the pathway over and over or it won't be as strong.

Like when I ask  my husband to bring home bread when he's on his way out the door. I'll tell him as he's putting on his jacket, and again as he's getting his keys, and then as I kiss him good-bye I'll say, "Have a nice day bread." Just sort of toss it in there one last time.

There are a lot of things parents simply have to say over and over. "Don't hit your sister on the head." "Don't put toy cars in the fridge." "Don't run with your eyes closed."

When you think of all the limits parents have a duty to impose on their children, it's no wonder children need a chance to release, relax... and play.

© play101blog.blogspot.com, 2011-2012

Monkeying Around

What kid doesn't want to grow up and walk in his father's shoes? Well, maybe most once they're teenagers. But for the early years, most children want nothing more than to be just like their parents.

Listen to any older child addressing his or her younger siblings. "Hey, how many times do I have to tell you?" or, "Go ahead. Just ask me about my day." Phrases come out of their tiny mouths that sound just like grown-ups. Because children repeat what they hear. It's how they learn. And they repeat what they see, by acting it out.

In today's child-rearing lingo, this is called Pretend Play. And it's almost an involuntary reaction, like breathing, in children. It gets them ready to join in with the rest of the world, and make sense of things they don't understand.

In the 1967 movie The Jungle Book, the king of the monkeys, King Louie sings an entire song about wanting to "Be Like You." Says he's tired of monkeying around. He wants to walk, talk and make fire like the young man-cub he meets, Mowgli. Young children have this same desire. To hop around on things and test them out. To imitate those they look up to. And to have fun. That's why it's called pretend play.

So the next time your children are bouncing off the walls, as they say, maybe they're just getting ready for this.

If that's too extreme, then take heart in the fact your children really do "wanna be like you." You can help them get there by joining in on their pretend play. Or just help them get to wherever it is they need to go today. Grandma's, the moon, or the place Where the Wild Things Are. Monkeying around might leave a dent or two in your walls, but it will open up your child's heart.

© play101blog.blogspot.com, 2011-2012

A Load of Crap

A load of crap. In other words... laundry day. When moms wash everything from poop-to-nuts.

In our house we have three potties in the same bathroom. One for my son, one for my daughter, and one for her teddy bear.

And even with all these receptacles for human waste, a couple of times a week I end up with something I don't want to see or smell all over my children's clothes. And I need to throw a load of laundry in the wash. Hence, the "load of crap."

Parents of young children have to deal with any number of things that would cause an employee at some other company to file a lawsuit. Can you imagine walking into your boss' office and telling him or her, "I'm quitting because Joe pooped on me. And Susan peed all over her desk, even after I asked her not to. And I seem to be the only one around here who cares enough to clean this up!"

It's hard. Parenting is hard, messy work. When my son was potty training, he kept forgetting to go in to the bathroom when he had to poop. One time I rushed him in there, took down his pull-ups, and heard something drop on the floor. "Please be a toy car," I prayed. But I looked down and saw the big brown blob of poop on the carpet. Some sort of primitive mother-instinct took over, and I decided to make this a game.

I picked up the poop with my bare hand, showed it to my son and said, "See? This is a poopy." I dropped it into the potty and said, "Can you make a friend for him in the potty?"

Though I couldn't believe what I was doing at the time, it worked. My son was so excited to make a poopy friend he sat down and went #2 right on the potty. And has done so ever since.

Just goes to show a little fun and games can go a long way to surviving the poops-to-nuts challenges of parenthood.

© play101blog.blogspot.com, 2011-2012

Fit to Burst

It's a well-known joke that women need to speak a certain amount of words per day to be happy. Somewhere between twice and ten times as much as men. One interpretation of the joke claims women speak more because they have to repeat everything.

Either way, when women, men, or even children aren't given an opportunity to do or say the thing they need most, they become fit to burst. Like my roof.

This is a picture of a ceiling beam my husband had just refinished. A recent snow storm caused a build-up of ice on our roof, which crept up under the shingles and our roof became fit to burst. Water poured in through the ceiling. "Mommy! There's a waterfall!" my son said.

When you think about it, people aren't much different than roofs. We all have a certain stress tolerance level which, once reached, can cause us to burst at the slightest offense.

Take a young child throwing a tantrum. A friend of mine quoted a play therapist who said, "A tantrum happens when a child can no longer deal with their environment."

There are many ways to deal with tantrums. Removing the child from the stressful environment, ignoring the child, or giving them something fun to do in hopes of preventing the outburst. No one wants their child to have a temper tantrum, but of course, most children will at some point in their young lives.

What can be done to keep your child from becoming fit to burst?

Perhaps the easiest answer is to allot more time in their day for the things that matter most to him or her. The chance to "say all their words," or color, or simply, play.

© play101blog.blogspot.com, 2011-2012

Placeholder

I recently learned of the term "placeholder" in web design. Basically it's something you put on your page to mark the spot where something else will go. Something you'll go back and put in later.

Which is the same thing parents do when they promise their children they will spend time together, and then don't deliver.

My children wanted to play a game we saw on PBS Kids. You take a bunch of small plastic toys, put them in bowls of water, put the bowls in the freezer and then check on them throughout the day to see how the water is changing into ice. It's a great game, and we all had fun when we played it yesterday. This morning my son popped out of bed and grabbed two of his toys to put in the bowls and play the game again. He was so excited.

So we set it up, just like yesterday, one for my daughter too, just like yesterday, I watched their smiles, just like yesterday, poked holes in the forming ice, just like yesterday... and then the day got away from me.

12pm: Can we check on the ice?
(After lunch, I say.)
1pm: Can we check on the ice?
(It's not ready yet.)
2pm: Can we check on the ice?
(I need to do laundry.)

Each time I replied to their request, I put in a placeholder in my mind. I will go back and do this with the kids when I'm done with, whatever. And sure enough, they went to bed tonight with the toys unchecked in the freezer.

Placeholders are harbingers of guilt. Because parents seldom go back and fill in what their kids really want. A little time together doing something fun. The best gift of all.

© play101blog.blogspot.com, 2011-2012

Face to Face With a Dead Fish

Children and adults do not play the same.

Picture this. It's early Summer. A bright beautiful blue-sky day at the beach. The first beach day all year. You lay out your towel, spray on some sunscreen and maybe wade out into the water. Join up with a volleyball game. Collect shells.

By any and all definitions a day of play. Except for a child.

Children do not "lay out their towels," and when it's time for sunblock most of it ends up in their eyes. For a child, an opportunity for playtime at the beach means Mom's about to go face to face with a dead fish.

That morning when I told my children about all the fun we were going to have at the beach, I know I did not say, "We're going to steal a play shovel from a stranger without asking, run down near the sharp rocks and scoop up dead fish."

Being aware of what a child wants and needs for play isn't easy. Most of the time it's not even intuitive. I'm pretty smart, I read lots of great books on parenting, but I never would have expected a dead fish would be such an irresistible draw to my then three-year-old son. In fact if I saw it first, I would have kicked some sand over it before the kids asked why it was sleeping.

That's why play time is just as important to parents and caregivers as it is to the child. It's a time when the child teaches the parent what life is all about. How he or she sees the world. Don't be too quick to wipe it off.

© play101blog.blogspot.com, 2011-2012